Tell Someone isn’t just about empowering children and young people to speak up when something feels wrong. It’s also about supporting adults to respond in a safe way when they do.
This page explains what disclosures are, what gets in the way for children when disclosing, and how children from diverse backgrounds may disclose differently. It also explores what helps children feel safe to speak up and gives practical guidance on what to do—and what not to do—when a child or young person tells you something.
When a child or young person discloses, the most important steps are to Listen. Believe. Act.
What does a 'disclosure' (telling someone) mean?
A disclosure is when a person tells someone, or tries to tell someone, that they have been hurt or abused. This can happen in many ways and at different times in someone’s life.
Five key things to know about disclosures
- Disclosures can take many forms
They might be spoken, written, drawn, shown through changes in behaviour, or expressed in other ways. - They can be about recent or past experiences
People often disclose child abuse much later in their life when they’re an adult. Sharing later does not make the experience any less real or serious. - Disclosures often happen gradually
Information may come out over time rather than all at once. - They can be intentional or accidental
A person might deliberately share, or they might reveal something indirectly, such as through a comment or question. - Your response matters
A calm, supportive reaction can help the person feel safe and more willing to seek help.
What stops a child or young person from disclosing?
Many children and young people delay telling someone about abuse or never disclose it at all. This isn’t because they aren’t impacted by the abuse. It is because there are real barriers that make disclosure difficult.
These barriers can look like:
- They do not realise what happened was abuse. Some children do not have the words or understanding to know that what happened to them was abuse. They may think it was normal, “just a secret,” or may not know how to explain it.
- They are pressured to stay silent. The person who caused harm may threaten or manipulate the child to stop them from telling anyone. This can include saying the child will get into trouble, that someone they love will be hurt, or that no one will believe them.
- They are afraid they will not be believed. Many children worry that adults or trusted people will not believe them, will downplay what happened, or will dismiss their concerns.
- They feel shame or guilt. Children may feel ashamed, embarrassed, or believe the abuse was their fault. These feelings can make disclosure very hard.
- They worry about the impact on family and relationships. Children may delay disclosure because they are worried about upsetting their family, causing conflict, or putting stress on people they care about.
- They had a bad experience telling someone before. If a child tried to disclose in the past and was ignored, blamed or not taken seriously, they may be afraid to try again or may wait a long time before seeking help.
“For a long time, I have not been able to discuss the abuse I suffered as a child. The biggest obstacle I faced was the belief that nobody would believe me. I was ashamed of the abuse and felt a deep sense of guilt.”
- Victim-survivor
Learn more:
- Read: What prevents and helps children disclose sexual abuse (National Centre for Action on Child Sexual Abuse)
What stops children and young people from diverse backgrounds from disclosing?
In addition to these barriers, children and young people from diverse backgrounds can face extra challenges. These challenges are shaped by their unique cultures, identities and life experiences. They can also become even harder when a child or young person belongs to more than one diverse group (this is something often called intersectionality).
Being aware of these barriers can help you better understand a child’s situation and respond in ways that feel safe and supportive.
Below are some examples of different diverse backgrounds and what these added barriers can look like.
Children and young people from Culturally and Linguistically Diverse (CALD) backgrounds
- Talking about sex, bodies or abuse may be taboo in their culture or religion, making it hard to speak up.
- Children may not have the words in their first language to describe what happened or how they feel.
- Fear of shame, judgement or “bringing trouble” to the family can stop them from telling someone.
Aboriginal children and young people
- Experiences of racism or unfair treatment can make it hard to trust services or adults outside their community.
- Many services are not culturally safe or do not reflect Aboriginal cultures, languages or ways of healing.
- Past and ongoing harms, including forced child removal, can create fear and mistrust of authorities, making disclosure feel unsafe.
Learn more:
- Read: Believe Inquire Respond to Disclosures (BIRD) Research Report and Practice Framework (SNAICC and Yamurrah)
LGBTIQA+ children and young people
- Fear of being judged, outed, or not believed because of their identity can stop them from speaking up.
- They may worry that adults will blame their sexuality or gender identity for the abuse.
- A lack of supportive, inclusive adults or services can make it hard to find someone safe to tell.
Children and young people with disability
- Adults may dismiss or minimise their concerns, or assume they misunderstood what happened.
- Some children rely on adults for personal care, which can make it harder to recognise or report unsafe behaviour.
- Communication barriers—such as limited speech, lack of accessible communication tools, or not being taught the right words—can make disclosure difficult
"When children do raise a safety concern or disclose sexual abuse, it is often ignored, dismissed, minimised or not believed. This is especially the case for children with a disability."
- National Centre for Action on Child Sexual Abuse
Source: What prevents and helps children disclose sexual abuse (2024)
Children and young people who are unable to live at home
- Frequent moves, changes in carers, or unstable placements can make it harder to build trust with adults or feel safe enough to speak up.
- Worry about causing more disruption or being moved again can make disclosure feel risky or overwhelming.
- A lack of one consistent, trusted adult can make it harder to share concerns or find someone who feels safe to tell.
Who do children and young people normally tell?
Children and young people often share their experiences with people they trust most.
- Younger children usually tell a parent, most often their mum
- Teenagers and young people usually tell their friends rather than adults
- Adults who disclose past abuse often turn to friends or partners
Source: Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse. Final Report: Volume 4, Identifying and disclosing child sexual abuse
What helps children and young people to disclose?
Children and young people are more likely to tell someone when they have:
- the knowledge of how to
- a trusted person to tell, and
- a safe opportunity to do so.
1. Educate children and young people
Children are more likely to speak up when they understand child safety, what abuse is, and what consent means. Knowing the right words helps them recognise abuse, name it, and understand that it is not their fault.
Many children, especially those abused at a young age, do not have the ability or language to describe what is happening. They may witness or experience sexual behaviour without knowing it is wrong. Providing age-appropriate and accessible education gives them the tools to understand their experience and communicate it safely.
“Being young when it first started and growing up in that it didn’t feel right, but as a kid you don’t know it’s not right. Until the end of Year 12 and you’re doing sex ed and they say, ‘By the way if these things happen to you, you should report it’. And I was dumbfounded because that had been happening to me for years.”
– Bart, victim-survivor
Source: Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse, Final Report: Volume 4, Identifying and disclosing child sexual abuse
2. Build trusting relationships
Children are more likely to tell someone they trust and feel safe with, such as a parent, teacher, coach, or friend. Ongoing, age-appropriate conversations send the message to children and young people that they can talk to you, and you will listen, no matter what.
Children are more likely to speak up if they have adults who:
- are available and approachable
- listen carefully and without judgment
- can talk about sensitive issues
- prioritise the child’s needs and concerns
- follow through on promises or guidance.
3. Create opportunities and safe spaces
Even when children want to tell someone, they may not know how or when to speak up. Adults can create opportunities by noticing signs of distress, giving time and space, and encouraging conversations in a safe environment.
“There were so many times when I thought about telling someone but it was just like, how do you bring it up? How do you just walk into a room and go to someone, ‘oh by the way this happened’?”
- Victim-survivor
Source: "Thinking the Unthinkable" Child Sexual Abuse Strategy 2023-2025 (St Helens Safeguarding Children Partnership)
Educating, building trusting relationships and creating opportunities can all be done by Having Conversations with children and young people.
Click here to learn more about Having Conversations.
Learn more:
- Read: Helping children and young people to speak up and make a complaint (National Office for Child Safety)
What to do when a child or young person discloses to you
Many adults feel unsure about how to talk to a child or respond when they share something about sexual abuse. You might be the first person a child has ever told, or one of many, after feeling unheard before. Sometimes a child will share a lot of detail. Other times they’ll offer small pieces of information to see if it’s safe to keep going.
The way you respond can make all the difference. A calm, supportive response can help a child feel believed and protected, and encourage them to share what’s happened so they can get the help they need.
Remember to Listen. Believe. Act.
Listen
Create safety first. Move to a quiet, private place and keep distractions to a minimum. Give the child or young person your full attention. Stay calm and patient—even short silences can help them feel safe to continue.
Let them lead. Encourage them to use their own words. Don’t quiz for details or ask leading questions. If you do ask anything, keep it minimal (e.g., “Do you feel safe right now?”).
Show you’re listening. Use simple, age‑appropriate language and open body posture. Reflect back key phrases (“You’re telling me…”) and pace the conversation so they don’t feel rushed.
Helpful prompts you can use:
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “You can take your time.”
- “You can use any words that feel right to you.”
Believe
Make it clear that you believe them. Say it clearly: “I believe you.” Reassure them they did the right thing by telling you and that the abuse is not their fault. Acknowledge their courage and let them share only what they’re ready to share.
Validate feelings and reduce shame. Children often feel fear, guilt or embarrassment. Normalise these feelings (“Many kids feel this way after something scary”). Avoid any expressions of shock that could make them worry they’ve upset you.
Prioritise immediate safety. Gently explore any current safety risks (without probing for details). If they feel unsafe, take steps to ensure immediate protection and follow reporting pathways.
Helpful phrases you can use:
- “I’m glad you told me.”
- “What happened is not your fault.”
- “You’re not in trouble.”
Act
Be honest about next steps. Don’t promise to keep secrets. Explain in simple terms that to keep them safe you may need to tell people who can help (e.g. child protection or police). Set expectations about what will happen next.
Connect to support. Offer to help them (and their caregiver if appropriate) access support services.
Record and report promptly. Write down what you heard in their exact words, note date/time, and any safety concerns. Then report what you were told.
Helpful phrases you can use:
- “I will do everything I can to help keep you safe.”
- “Here’s what I’ll do next, and here’s who can help.”
Learn more:
- Read: Responding to child sexual abuse disclosures (National Office for Child Safety)
- Read: Responding to children's disclosure of child sexual abuse (National Centre for Action on Child Sexual Abuse)
- Read: Responding to children and young people's disclosures of abuse (Australian Institute of Family Studies)